The Explanation…. October 7, 2009

 

As you all know, or for those of you who do not, I was chosen to be Laura’s maid of honor, and my five year old daughter Haley was also chosen to be her flower girl. When she had first asked me if I would stand up beside her, I was honored (no pun intended). I ran out the next day and bought her a beautiful wedding planner at Barnes and Noble, then met her to go look at locations and dresses. I wanted to help her in anyway I could, as I was extremely excited about her engagement.  

Within the last year, I have supported Laura in every decision she has made. Whether the decision was to not get married, or move the wedding to Las Vegas, or to get married in a court room. I also accommodated any requests she made….like when she had called and said she had chosen her flower girl dress and there were two of them left in the state of California. I got on the phone and ordered the dress that same day. When she picked shoes out, I drove to four different stores trying to find them. I also purchased a dress that she had liked for Adelynn, my dress, shoes, a bow for the dress, etc. We also had offered up our house for her to get ready in since she wanted to save money and forgo the hotel room, as well as driving her to the wedding in our RV and leaving it there to help her save money on a limo rental. We were very generous and selfless in helping her prepare for her wedding.

Here we are a year later……and unfortunately I am having to explain to friends, family, and loved ones why we will not be in attendance at her wedding. As most of you know I love Carla, Sara, and Laura very much and have helped them through some very tough times in the recent years. I have made a tremendous amount of effort to be involved in their lives and supportive to each of the girls.

With that being said, when I heard that Carla was expecting I was so excited for her! I had immediately asked Laura if she was going to give her a baby shower.  Laura said she probably would, but she was just going to wait and see. In June of 2009 I asked Laura again about her plans for the baby shower (the baby was due early September). She said Carla was not cooperating with her on dates and invitees so that she probably wasn’t going to give her one. At that time I had suggested that we just do a shower at a restaurant and make it a “low key” event. Laura thought that was a good idea. Throughout July and August I had kept in touch with Laura regarding the date of Carla’s shower because I was also planning Laura’s Bridal shower and wanted to make sure they did not land on the same weekend. I also wanted to make every effort to make sure I did not have Laura’s bridal shower on a weekend that Carla would be in labor, in the hospital, or too uncomfortable (too preggers) to attend. When I contacted her in August to see if she had chosen a date, she had said that there wasn’t going to be a baby shower for Carla. She said Nick’s family gave her one, and that Carla’s side of the family was not doing anything for her.

So I went on planning Laura’s bridal shower. Laura loves Beauty and the Beast so I had decided to make her shower themed around that. I had planned a gorgeous Mrs Potts/Belle Tea Party. I sent out amazing invitations, began planning the menu, the decorations, the games…the list goes on and on. I happily spent well over a month planning Laura’s shower trying to make every detail perfect for her, and accomodate any requests she had. An example would be Laura requesting to move the time of the shower an hour earlier after I had already printed and hand assembled the invitations. I knew that it was important to her that the shower get moved to 12:00 instead of 1:00, so I went ahead and reprinted and reassembled all the invitations. My daughter was very involved in the party planning as well and had participated in planning each and every detail. She stayed up the night before to help decorate, and had hand made white chocolate suckers for each guest with me. She was beyond excited. In the end, the party came together perfectly. It was beautiful! Everyone enjoyed themselves, and Laura seemed to have been pleased with her shower.

 

A few days after the shower, I noticed a few pictures that had been posted on Facebook. They were of a baby shower that had been held in Carla and Nick’s honor that we had apparently been excluded from.  I sent Laura a text message saying, “Did you guys have a shower for Carla?” She did not respond until I had contacted Ben and asked him to have Laura call me. She texted back saying, “I did not. My aunt did.” I asked her why she didn’t invite me, and she had said that she asked Carla if she had any special requests, and since that was not one of her special requests then I was not going to be invited. In the pictures, you could see that Kelly was invited (the mom that Laura nannies for), so I asked her if Kelly was a special request of Carla’s. I don’t care that she was invited, I love Kelly, I just wanted to know if this was one of Carla’s special requests. She said she wasn’t one of her requests that she had just invited her on her own(because she overheard conversation regarding the shower). Carla’s shower was on or around August 23rd, and Laura’s shower invitations had already been mailed out (her shower was on September 19). She knew I was stressing over every detail for her shower, but did not think she should extend the invitation to me to Carla’s shower. I was very hurt by this. I had purchased gifts for Carla and Nick, and just wanted to be there to support them. All in all there was no clear explanation from Laura as to why I wasn’t invited; however, she did make the comment that she had previously told me that “I didn’t have to do a shower for her, and that it was my choice to go ahead and give her one.” That comment alone shows her utter lack of appreciation. I had responded to her by saying, “Laura, of course I am going to give you a shower! I am your maid of honor! That is my job and I gave you that shower because I love you and I wanted you to have that experience.”

Carla's Baby Shower (the pic that was posted on facebook)

Throughout the text messaging conversation I had expressed to Laura that I felt very taken advantage of, and lied to. I had asked her in August if there was going to be any celebration for Carla and she had said no (which was a lie), and she had also made sure to not mention a word about it. Laura had said we were best friends, and in my eyes, this is not what a friend does to another friend. At the conclusion of the conversation Laura had apologized and I told her that I appreciate and accept her apology and needed a few days to clear my mind. She said she would get back in touch with me on Thursday. Upon receiving a text message from her, I still felt very confused and hurt. I didn’t know how to respond to her, and when I did the next morning, I was told “This is not fair to me. My wedding is coming up so I’m going to find a new maid of honor.” I was in shock. Absolute shock. After everything I had done for her?! She couldn’t even give me the space to take it all in and digest it for a couple days?!

She said that I should have responded to her on Thursday and I had explained to her that at the time my entire family was VERY SICK (Haley still is), and that I was not avoiding her. I was overwhelmed. She said I should have responded anyways. Keep in mind I responded to her on Friday morning. After stating that she thought she should find a new maid of honor, all I could respond with was that if she didn’t want me in her wedding and that is what will make her happy, then that is fine by me. This is her wedding, and her being happy is obviously what is important. I then asked her if she wanted me to tell Haley she is no longer going to be her flower girl. She said, “With the current situation, I don’t think it’s appropriate.”

So we are not absent at her wedding by our chosing….WE WERE KICKED OUT!!

Obviously my generosity and support were taken for granted, and she feels that people are here at her disposal. I was in shock for about a week, but I don’t know why. I should have seen it coming. She had already kicked her little sister Sara (age 15) out of the wedding when she got mad at her. She has written off both of her sisters (on multiple occasions), and anyone else that slightly upsets her at a moments notice.

After Laura told me she was going to find a new maid of honor, she sent a text message saying, “I hope that one day we can move forward from all of this, and I do want the best for you and your girls.” She has taken this situation to a whole new level and we will NEVER be able to move forward from this. The reasons why we will never be friends again are as follows:

First and foremost you don’t mess with someones child!!! You just don’t do it. No matter how upset you are between adults, it is to remain between adults! You do not involve children, and you don’t use them as pawns or to get back at people. Haley couldn’t wait to see Laura in her wedding dress, (we stored it at our house for the last year) so she knew her “Auntie Laura” would be wearing that dress soon, and she thought she was going to be a “Real Princess” in that dress. Haley also went for a final fitting for her flower girl dress recently, which I had purchased long ago. She has been anxiously awaiting the wedding and the day when she will be able to wear that white dress with the train, that has been hanging in her closet.

Besides the wedding, my child called Laura “Auntie Laura”. She has no aunts, as I am an only child, and my husband has one brother. That is not a title that was just thrown around. She looked at Laura as her aunt, and Ben as her uncle. This is not fair to her either way. You don’t take out your selfish control issues on a child.

Second reason why this will not be worked out. All of you girls that have girl friends know this is not how you treat your friends, or your family! She has treated me with such disregard and lack of appreciation that she does not deserve to be in my life. This is very painful, and has torn me apart for the last week. She is continuing on with her wedding planning and has not contacted me or said a word to me about this situation, which makes it obvious that this friendship meant very little to her. Your maid of honor is typically not replaceable. That is your best friend who you love, and care for and wish to stand beside you at this important event. Obviously I was not this person in Laura’s eyes.

The final reason as to why her and I will not be able to work forward is because YOU DON’T MESS WITH PEOPLE’S FINANCES!!! You just don’t. Over this last year, we bought our first home, I was pregnant and we had our second baby girl in March. We did not have extra money, let alone money to throw in the trash. I am now left with many non returnable items…such as dresses, shoes, accessories, gifts, and not to mention the entire expense of the bridal shower. If you total up all the money we have put towards her wedding the figure is shocking!!! We didn’t have an issue with it until now. We were willing to make the financial sacrifice on her behalf, because in my eyes, she was my best friend. Now the money is wasted, and I am left with unusable items. Laura has no concept of how much this wedding is truly costing since so many people have graciously pitched in to help make this wedding a success. She also has no concept of money in general. We can see what she did with Ben’s parents money that was supposed to be used towards the wedding. Besides the finances, the amount of time and effort that I have put into all of this…to know that in the end it went unappreciated it is beyond hurtful.

The reason why this blog is being written is to explain the situation to all of you. For all of the ladies reading this that attended the Bridal shower, I want to thank you all for coming to the party, but I also wanted to give those ladies specifically an explanation for our absence. I wanted you to know that my family is not absent because we don’t care or because of our chosing. Laura took from me and my family, and kicked us out 15 days prior to the wedding.

One final note…..I do love you Carla (Nick & Ethan) and you Sara VERY MUCH! I only want the best for all of you, and I want nothing more than to continue to have a relationship with you. Please understand that this situation is between Laura and I and I am not upset with either of you.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read this blog. You’re responses are welcomed.

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